clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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