Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
