ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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