hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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