Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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