So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
