I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
