I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
