Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
