Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
