Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize