i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize