Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
