Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
