Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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