I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
