I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
