Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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