quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
