Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
