remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She swung at the pinata with crutches
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
