Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Boobs are out for the taking
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize