I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
