how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
