You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
