Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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