I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Your penis caused this!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize