Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
