You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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