so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
