We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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