the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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