with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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