I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
