I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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