Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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