dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I think I won the penis lottery.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
