he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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