I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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