So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
