The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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