ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
How does one acquire holy water?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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