I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
