Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
