goodnight i made you a song goodbye
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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