I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
and you fell through a lawn chair
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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