Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
