i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I want her autograph on my taint
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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