my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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