We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
