So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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