Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
