Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
