you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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