im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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