how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
