similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
