I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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