It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You were trust falling into bushes
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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