is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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