just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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