my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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