Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
