I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
