I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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