I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
