this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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