eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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