we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
