You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
