I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
