how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize