We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
