once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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