my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize