it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I have aggressive nipples.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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