i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
