I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize