god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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