her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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