IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize