"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
