guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
