i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
