mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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