I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
