I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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