Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
