you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
