Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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