He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
