My Higher Power is John Stamos
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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