I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
