what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize