my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
