So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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