did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
