she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Randomize
