Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
