The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
