i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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