Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
