The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
