I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
