i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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